Silly-Ass Breezy's

So, it’s official. The Legend of Fieweger’s Pants has been discovered. Just when I thought I had the perfect way to dish silly stories to my guy friends about stuff that we all do, someone had to slip up and tell the hoes. To all the real homie’s out there, have no fear, I will continue to write and ya’ll will continue to read because I am a Legend and I do have great stories. I do this as a form of release. I do it because I have so many outlandish and amusing stories that I feel the need to write about them. I am not doing it in any way to gross out people or to make them look at me with disdain, simply as a man with a story.
My life has been so influxuated with hoes the past five years of my life that it has literally taken a toll on my productivity and creativity. I spend a solid two hours a day text messaging woman, and probably half of that on the phone with them. I usually end up going on two actual dates a week and then searching for new prospects on the weekends. It is something that used to seem amusing to me and quite fun at the same time. Now, however, it has become an arduous task that requires constant attention and usually leaves me hurting someone all of the time. It’s not that I don’t care for all of these hoes, it’s just that I am addicted to the next best thing. I am constantly searching for a boo that will be better than the previous. In my five years of “throwing down pimp game” I have come to the conclusion that 95% of hoes are all the same. You get to know them and they seem like a perfect woman. They are put together, sexy, smart, and focused. As always though, they change. They put up their front on you at the beginning, and sometimes it lasts a while, but as sure as Gretzky could play behind the net, and as sure as Kobe is wetter than a typhoon, they all let their true colors out. The woman that you have come to like and respect turns out to be just like the rest of them. I hold very high expectations for any girl that I want to date. It seems that I find those expectations in woman but then they find a way to show me that they were all just a front.
I have considered taking a leave of abstinence to clear my head of breezy’s and just focus on my own life and “do me” for a while, however it is easier said than done when you are living in Southern California. I usually end up meeting new hoes every weekend and am always intrigued with them throughout the week. Before the week is over, I am off of them and already focused on another breezy. I used to believe that I was cursed. I came to the understanding that ever since I called off things with my fiancée five years ago I was immune to love. I will find a girl and be really into her. We will cupcake on the phone, meet for dinners, and go out and do couples things, but within time I always back out. I don’t think it’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt, I think it’s because I’m afraid of hurting people. I will be with a girl that I actually like, but cannot keep my eyes from wandering. Given the event that I go out without her, I am on the prowl. It is a shitty but a true realization that I have come to deal with. I usually just stop calling the girl or just reply when I’m drunk or bored.
In order to better myself I have set a goal for the year 2010. I plan on only hooking up with women on the first date. I will never let things get drawn out to the point where I am caught up in hours of meaningless conversation, and countless text messages. I want to simplify my life. Every woman wants something more from me, something that I am not willing to do. I DON’T want a wife, I DON’T want a girlfriend, I just want to do me. I need to find woman that have the same values as me. I am not looking for a group of prostitutes by any means, or “trash cans” as they have been deemed by some but I want a career oriented girl that needs to get her pipes cleaned routinely and can leave it at that. Is that too much too ask?
In the end, I am just looking for a good time. I don’t need drama in my life. “You didn’t call me!” “You never responded!” “We were supposed to go out!” “You’re always with your friends!” “You can’t commit to anything!” Fuck that!! If that is what a breezy wants, than check out EHarmony for all I care. There is that one woman out there for me, and I have yet to find her. Even if I did find her right now, I’d probably push her away, just for the fact that I am not like others. I am comfortable being alone, I am comfortable with myself and am comfortable with the way I live. If you can’t understand…stop trying!