The Legend of Fieweger's Pants: Operation In & Out Success

This silly-ass evening started similar to most. I show up at Mike’s with a couple bottles of Goose and Champagne, trees are burned and then we rally our posse and make moves. We were at Mike’s spot in Redondo Beach and decided that we were going to drive to Hollywood that night. We brought our dear friend AZ. AZ is another cat that lives by us and is on the same level of swagger and has a P.H.D. in Pimpology. AZ is a ball player as well, and our other friend who came with us is my homie from high school RG, who is equally swagged. AZ and RG know each other from college at the University of Oregon. AZ came over to Mike’s place while we were having some drinks. I’d recommend a third Grey Goose, a third Veuve Clicquot Champagne, and a third Red Bull. Shit will set you loose after a few. AZ said that he would drive, so Mike and I began putting down the sauce like a fat kid at a frozen yogurt buffet.

We have been drinking for about an hour now when we decide its time to go. Believe me you do a lot of drinking at Mike’s place because he doesn’t have a TV right now, so all we do is bump songs and chug booze. We made a couple roadie bottles and headed out to AZ’s whip. We pile in the 745, which I must say is the only whip where I can comfortably sit in the back seat, and head off for Sunset Blvd. where we are meeting RG. We swooped RG from a spot that is right off of Sunset and the 405 because he lives on the beach in Malibu so we weren’t about to make that trek. Now we are all rolling in the Bimmer chugging roadies. RG and I are burning a bouquet of Mary Jane’s flowers in the back while the others rotate on being DJ. It took us about twenty minutes to get to our destination. We arrived at the club called Kress. We parked in the front and walked right in. RG was meeting some chick there, and so was Mike. Meanwhile AZ and I were rolling solo dolo so we were on the prowl. We all got a table on the lower floor and just kind of relaxed for a hot minute. Within 10 minutes we had a bottle and people started coming by our table. There was a plethora of hoes to choose from. Tall hoes, short hoes, skinny hoes, fat hoes, black hoes, and white hoes. As it turns out there was a rap show that was about to be performed in the middle of the club, and luck has it that I knew one of the rappers. He’s actually a really good musician/singer/rapper that I met at my boy’s comedy show. They performed in the club and then brought their whole posse of hoes over to our table as well. It was like sitting at a table in an old school Jay-Z video.

After an hour or so both RG and Mike were on track to get the Hostess award for cup caking kings of the night. They were all cozy at our booth chilling, while AZ and I took it upon ourselves to leave no hoe behind. We were now the two tallest dudes in the club now that Mike was sitting down and caking, and we had the best dance moves in the club by far. I was a bit worried for AZ at one point because I thought he might grind his dick completely off on this little chicks back! Clipse said something about it, “Griinding!” I was bouncing around from cheeks to cheeks doing my thing. I even got myself into a dance-off with like three black dudes. Not a good look, however they all gave me credit for trying. I guess I need a little more practice in front of the mirror.

When 145 AM rolled around Mike stood up and said that he was leaving with his booski. RG followed suit about 5 minutes later. This left just AZ and I to do work with limited amounts of time before the club shut down.AZ ended up pulling the one breezy, who had a hole dug into her back from his meat. She had two friends with her that were both work though, so I just introduced myself and let them filter themselves out of my equation. We walked out to the car and these hoes piled in. AZ’s chick tried to get shotgun but rest assured that I put her in her place…the backseat. As we pulled out of the club, they told us that they had to go to their car. I though for sure we would be done, but they promised that they would just move their car or go to their place and then we’d meet up. So we obliged and took them to their car and dropped them off. AZ had a brilliant idea after they were gone. “Dude, you wanna go to In & Out burger?” AZ said. “Bro, does a bear shit in the woods!” I responded. We drove down Hollywood Blvd to In & Out and went inside. The place was absolutely packed with drunken people and weirdo’s. We ordered ourselves each a meal and began the waiting game. I was out of cash so AZ paid and we only had one receipt. While we were sitting there I noticed that it was an absolute madhouse in the place, people were all over the counter just waiting for their food. In my drunken state I got a real shady idea. I looked around for a quick second and then found exactly what I was looking for, a receipt that was on the ground. I told AZ to watch this and see if it worked. I walked up to the counter and laid the receipt down amongst the masses of people. A chick that was working there looked at me and then looked at the receipt. I expected her to just laugh and walk away. Instead she said, “Hold on sir!” She handed me an order that was just called! It was two burger meals! I couldn’t believe it so I just grabbed it and walked right outside. AZ looked at me like I was nuts. Then he called me when I was sitting outside eating with all the weirdo’s and asked if he really just saw me do that. I ensured him that, yes, I just scammed burgers from In & Out. I told him to grab me a coke and wait for our order. He did so and next thing you know…AZ and I are eating like drunken Kings! We each got two full meals and were now ready to burn some doedoe and find some breezy’s.

Within a couple minutes of leaving AZ and I were full on food and had one thing left on our mind. We both just ate fast food but were trying to get in some box like Jack. AZ’s chica hit us up and said that one of her friends left but she still had one that wanted to come out with us. So we decided to meet them at their place which was a 10 minute drive located in Beverly Hills. It was an average apartment in the middle of a nice area. AZ parked the whip outside and we looked at each other, gave some dapps, took a shot of Goose, and then walked in. We knocked at the door and his chick answered, she threw her arms around him and they were social for about 15 minutes with me and this other girl whose name was Jaimee. First of all, any girl that spells her name like that with two “ee’s,” has got to be a hoe, or at least a stripper. I had that thought in the back of my mind as we sat on her couch watching TV. Within a few minutes we started hearing moaning coming out of the bedroom that AZ was in. He was obviously on the clock doing work. Now everyman knows it kind of puts an awkward sense of urgency on you to hurry and start hooking up with a chick when you hear your boy doing work in the other room. I would like to know what ladies think about that as well. We both gave each other a look and then kind of just leaned in and got at each other. She was a slow moving lady. She took her time and was grinding on me like we were at a D’ Angelo concert. I was having fun with it, and then she pushed me back and decided to educate me with some of her knowledge. I’m not sure how to explain this chick’s brains, maybe a Rhodes Scholar? She could be on the New Orleans Saints, because she got that SuperDome. You could say that she played for the Seattle Mariners back in the day and has the KingDome! I was very impressed. I finished up in only a couple minutes, which actually made my night because I really wasn’t trying to be creeping in the sheets all night. She took down all the gravy, after all it was the holidays. I was cleaned up and dressed again and then AZ came walking out. He asked if I was ready to go. I looked at my new found tutor and she told me to go ahead and leave. This was actually a chick that I continually see now because of the dome & Go factor. She’s not looking for a man, but she’s looking for a legend to beat it up every now and then. AZ and I left and he started laughing as soon as we got in the car. He told me that his chick dropped to her knees as soon as he shut the door, I informed him that it was basically the same thing outside in the living room. We had a good laugh while we blew some trees on the drive back to the beach. AZ dropped me off and then drove home himself. I’m not sure if he still keeps in contact with his little boo from the evening, but I definitely holler at mine when I go to Hollywood. Yung Jaimee, you’re a pro girl. You can literally say that AZ and I had an In & Out evening.